NL WOMAN columnist JACKIE MCGREGOR
I don’t believe the half of it, I thought, as I scrolled down the entries on Facebook of what people claimed they’d had for breakfast.
I mean, slices of salmon on Ryvita, and green tea really, who eats that for breakfast? I wondered should I put porridge with wheat germ, wholemeal toast and tea with soya milk (which I do have some mornings!) to appear healthy, or should I put what I really had, sugar puffs, a bottle of Lucozade and a walnut whip. I went for the later, honesty is the best policy!
I used to be appalled by the idea of using Facebook. Who wants to read that someone’s having a cup of coffee, but my publisher advised me to get on Facebook to help promote my book. It has been useful in the promotional vein and I have made some useful contacts there, but never in a million years did I thing I’d be posting what I had for breakfast and reading what others consumed. Nor did I think that other people’s healthy options would make me feel lacking in the breakfast department. I fear taking part in a global sharing of what we choose to breakfast with has given me breakfast envy. That’s the power of Facebook, it changes you; before you know it you are taking part in daft surveys, checking up on ex-lovers and commenting on every morsel that enters your mouth. It uncovers a side you never knew existed. I have discovered a Detective Columbo meets Michael Winner food critic sort of character apparently lurks within me.
After letting the Facebook world know what I had for breakfast I then posted a picture on my wall of a sign hanging on a door handle claiming: ‘Come in I’m already disturbed’. Then, at dinner with my husband that evening in a restaurant, I began photographing my chocolate fudge cake dessert.
‘What on earth are you doing?’ he asked.
‘I’m going to put it on Facebook!’ I responded, then was raging with myself for not photographing my main course too.
’You’re sad!’ he commented and went back to checking the football results on his Blackberry.
Why am I wasting my time online like this? I am turning into the kind of social network user I always loathed.
In a recent newspaper article writer Stephen Marche questioned: ‘Is Facebook making us lonely?’, claiming that the amount of time we spend online conversing with cyber friends makes us neglect relationships with the flesh and blood people in our lives. On the other hand it could be argued that lonely people are drawn to Facebook looking for some connection with others. Could Facebook be The Eleanor Rigby Club of the 21st century (all the lonely people?)
Most of the FB users I know are like me, mothers to young children. We spend a large proportion of our lives eking out an existence between school runs. Most evenings are spent making meals and preparing everything for the next day to repeat the whole routine all over again. In my opinion it’s no wonder a break in this routine that includes chocolate fudge cake merits a public announcement and photographic evidence on Facebook! Look, I appear to be saying to others, I exist! I have a life and it includes cake!
Last month the hot gossip on FB between school mums was who had read the Fifty Shades Trilogy and whether they were any good. These posts were coupled with much sniggering about embarrassment involving shopping trips to innocently purchase duct tape and rope from B&Q.
There is a difference in being alone and being lonely. In many marriages a couple can be in the same room yet communication can be nonexistent. A husband is lost in television sport and a wife chats aimlessly with no response from hubby. This is a scenario being played out in houses up and down the country, and so the woman turns to Facebook to see what friends are doing and if they are feeling as isolated as themselves.
Facebook has 845 million users, are these really all the lonely people? A 2010 survey found that 35 per cent of adults aged 45 or over felt chronically lonely, compared to 20 per cent of the same group 10 years earlier. We may be connected and contactable every moment of the day via technology but research shows that we meet fewer people and go out less socially than we used to. I know I’m really miffed if anyone plans anything social for a Saturday night as I’d rather stay in and watch Strictly Come Dancing and the X Factor.
As society as we know it begins to change we have fewer truly intimate connections to people whom we can comfortably discuss our problems and fears with. The number of professional carers like social workers, psychologists, marriage and family therapists have increased significantly as we look to strangers to help us with our problems.
So, am I using Facebook because of loneliness? Am I a fully paid up member of The Eleanor Rigby Club? Like everyone else there are times when I feel disconnected from others. I find I check Facebook most when I’m home alone. We humans are all looking for a connection, a way to affirm to ourselves that we exist.
Personally, I’m very grateful for Facebook, otherwise I would have to contact 424 people each morning to let them know what I had for breakfast!